My last post was a cliffhanger! Now onto what happened on Feb 20...

It was a normal day at work...or so I thought.  On a standard, run of the mill nursing home/assisted living 911 call.  Patient was loaded up, I reached out to pick up the EKG monitor...and pop...followed by pulling...but that was just scar tissue right? That really didn't just happen?  Nah, it's not that bad, just a little uncomfortable...must have been scar tissue.  I continued taking care of the patient, got her to the hospital, and while writing the report, noticed my shoulder getting a little stiff...that's normal.  Surely, I didn't do what I thought I did.  Then I was driving the ambulance back to the station, got there, went to turn the steering wheel, and BAM! That hurt...quite a bit...but it's still tolerable, maybe I can finish off the shift. I sat down at the computer to order supplies, then it really started to ache and hurt...and Snowmageddon was supposed to arrive in a few hours.  Could I really finish the shift? I was at a slower station...it was almost 8 at night, we'd more than likely sleep.  BUT Murphy's law clearly states "when planning, or NEEDING a full night's sleep with no calls at the fire station...one will receive a code blue, massive trauma, and patient that weighs more than the entire crew put together." Reality hit...I'd hurt my shoulder.  SO I called the supervisor, took our ambulance out of service and eventually was told to go the ER for treatment.  They did x-rays and gave me some pain meds and I went home.  Luckily, I was "sober" enough post pain meds that I could give my supervisor directions to my apartment...for some reason they didn't want me driving home.  Long story short, SEVERAL months later, I finally got an MRI that showed...you guessed it...another tear in the cartilage...a different spot, but another tear, non-the-less.  As good and experienced as I'm getting at this whole shoulder surgery/rehab thing, I really don't want to make it a habit.  This week, I was faced with a very difficult decision...I ran out of all my benefit time, and short term disability ends on Tueasday.  Do I hold off hope that my shoulder will recover and I'll be able to eventually be able to make it back on the ambulance (meanwhile being on UNpaid leave)...or face the inevitable, and accept long term disability (medical retirement).  LOTS of time on my knees praying, some temple time and many bawl my eyes out sessions later, I made the very difficult decision to medically retire.  My heart wants to be a paramedic.  Unfortunately, my body has other plans.  So, I made the very difficult phone call to benefits at work to discuss the end of my career and we came to the last date of employment.  August 24 is my last day working.  For the next week, I will be working modified duty at Support Services like I have been, and as of August 25, I am a medically retired paramedic.  That has been a HUGE pill to swallow.  I am still in a bit of denial about it.  Luckily, I was blessed with this job from Children's Mercy that works around school...and helps with tuition assistance, I have great friends and family members supporting me, and a temple less than an hour away.  I never would have thought that I'd be retired before 30, and now I face the question...what is the next step in my life? Stay tuned to find out what I learn on THAT journey!

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times

As much as I DESPISED the book this quote came from, it is perfect to describe the last several months.  I'm a huge believer in the theory that there must be opposition in all things in order to appreciate life.  This year has been one of ups and downs constantly.  Some of the "downs" have been extreme downs, but I'm convinced that they were meant to make me appreciate the "ups" SOOOOO much more.  In October last year, I got to experience the other side of the ambulance.  I must admit that I like taking care of people a WHOLE lot more.  I spent a week in the hospital, and took forever to recover.  Gotta love asthma.  Fall semester was my first semester in a University.  I LOVE my school, but it is an hour drive each way and I was in classes 5 days a week.  Combining that and my work schedule was creating more stress as well.  In November, I applied for a job dispatching the Children's Mercy Transport team on night shift (keep this in the back of your mind...it will come back up).  I just felt stuck and like I was just surviving life, not enjoying it.  My brother was engaged and I was dealing with drama associated with THAT as well (not my business to blog about that...just know there was DRAMA in the family).  I survived the semester and passed all my classes...not A's, but passing is about all I hoped for towards the end.  To tell you a little bit about how stressed I'd been, I never even decorated for Christmas.  Those that know me know just how unusual this is for me.  SOOOOOO, those are some of the downs.  These all made me appreciate what was about to come...Little did I know how my life would change.  I survived the wedding, and went back to school. So, Spring semester started off pretty good.  I'd have never thought that I would LOVE my Genetics class like I did.  I was enjoying life again...then February 20 happened.  A day that will live in infamy (in my life at least).

Boy Howdy do we have some catching up to do!

Okay, so I caught the blogging bug...then was cured from it.  Now I think I've caught it again...hopefully.  A LOT has happened since the beginning of the year.  To quote an awesome movie "Lemme 'splain...no, there's no time...lemme sum up".  NAME THAT MOVIE. Okay.  So here's the summary...career ending injury...possible lawsuit...retirement before 30...amazing friend of four years turning into boyfriend...into eventual eternal companion...wedding date set...and moved...chickens in the kitchen...traveling...pageants...school...new job...being targeted by cops...boy visiting me...me visiting boy...okay, that's about it.  I will explain in more detail later, but this is an outline for what is coming.  Are you as excited as I am?

Asthma sucks...part 2

Please read previous post, otherwise you WILL be confused. Well, I LOVE the dentist that I'm going to. Anyways, I was telling him about having lidocaine aerosolized when I was in the hospital for my asthma(which I did NOT like and do NOT recommend). He said "you should see my wife." What does she do, you may ask? SHE'S AND ASTHMA AND ALLERGY DOCTOR. Prayers are DEFINITELY answered. So, I canceled my appointment with the annoying practice and scheduled one with her. I showed up for my first appointment, and she won me over immediately when I saw her in her PINK lab coat. How cool is that. Anyways, I explained what all was going on, and multiple times, she said "I'm so glad you came in, I think we can really make a difference in your care." How awesome is that? It felt great to be appreciated. She agreed that Xolair was a good option to try. Xolair attacks one of your body's reactions to allergens that can trigger asthma. She also wants to eventually try allergy shots, which attack another reaction, but she doesn't want to do that until the Xolair is well on board (she thinks that could be why the allergy shots didn't work the first time). Well, getting insurance on board and being approved for the med, etc is A LOT of work. BUT, I've received notice from my insurance company AND prescription plan that it is going to be covered, and notice from the drug company saying that I'm approved and that they've sent one dose to my Dr office (for free) to get me started while I get all the other approvals finalized. My first appt is next Wednesday. This should be fun. It's an injection (two for me because I need a higher dose...shocker). Apparently, people can have a reaction to this med up to 24 hours after it's given. So, I have to show my epi-pen to the nurse BEFORE she'll even give me the shot, and the first few doses, I get to stay in the office for 2 hours afterward! But hey, it's every 4 weeks and hopefully, it helps get my asthma completely under control. The dr said she has one pt that is off of ALL her other asthma/allergy meds. Let's pray for that result!!!!!

Asthma sucks...literally.

So, this has been quite the past few months. In June, (on a Sunday) I woke up and thought I had strep throat, so I called in sick. I went to urgent care, and the strep test came back negative, along with the mono. But, the PA said "your tonsils look really swollen" to which I replied "my tonsils were yanked when I was a kid" to which she responded "well, your throat is REALLY swollen then". She sent me home with antibiotics "just in case" and steroids for the inflammation. Have I mentioned this was the day before I was supposed to leave on a pioneer trek with the youth? So, I told the Dr that I was going to be on the medical team with...that I was going to see if the anti-biotics did anything before I backed out. Well, nothing changed the next morning. Day after that(tuesday), I woke up at 5 am and my throat and chest felt tight. Being the experienced asthmatic that I am, I went to do a breathing treatment...and the machine didn't work. SO, I had a decision...wait until 9 when urgent care opens (4 hours feeling like I can't breath), call an ambulance (no chance in outer darkness...I KNOW the crew that would take care of me :) )...or go to the ER. So, I drove myself to the ER. The dr (who I know from work) walked in and said "I mean this in the most loving way, but you don't look very good". Long story short, they did a treatment, x-ray (clear, of course), oral steroids, and something for my cough, but nothing had really changed. The ER doc told me "my gut is saying something else is going on, but I don't know what. I really want to admit you for observation". Just what I want to do on my 4 days off, right? Well, it was only going to be for a 23 hour hold...riiiiiiight. I'm SOOO glad she followed her gut. That night, I woke up in another attack. LOTS of tests later, I was diagnosed with tracheitis (my airway was inflamed/constricted...explains the sore throat), bronchitis, and all the coughing gave me laryngitis. I was banned from talking and given something to keep me from coughing in order to keep my vocal cords from spasming shut, warranting an emergency macgyver-esque tube in my throat via my neck (which I wanted to avoid). After LOOOOOTS of drugs, a cardiology consult (to make sure my oxygen level being low wasn't a cardiac problem...duh, I could have told you that), x-rays, CT scans, angiograms (which showed my swollen airway), echocardiograms, more tests I don't remember because of lovely drugs, and getting to know the pulmonologist VERY well, I was discharged, with an order to follow up with my primary care IMMEDIATELY. (have I mentioned that I am SOOO glad I wasn't on the pioneer trek in the middle of Oklahoma for this). So, I did as ordered and made an appointment. He told me there was a new asthma drug out in the market that you have to qualify for (certain blood levels have to be high enough, and your asthma has to be severe enough...which a hospitalization proves) called Xolair. He said "when the drug rep was telling me about it, your name popped into my head" (don't know quite how to take that.) Anyways, they ran the blood test. The nurse called me and SHOCKER, I qualified. However, my blood levels were so high, they wanted me to go see an allergy and asthma specialist. They referred me to a practice that I went to as a teenager and wasn't really impressed with. Plus, I hated doing allergy shots and I knew they were going to push those again (didn't have very much improvement with them before). BUT, I made an appointment anyways, because they're the biggest practice around.

Whoa, two in one day!

Okay, so I forgot to finish the shoulder saga. I woke up Sunday, went to put on my jumpsuit for work (picture the movement of putting both arms in a jacket once and pulling it up that way). Something HURT. Normally, I sleep with a pager on my right hip or arrange the pillows so I don't roll over and sleep on my right side...i.e. shoulder. Well, I forgot. Something HURT. I was pretty sure it was subluxated (not in it's normal place but not fully dislocated). Funny, before my surgery, it would do this all the time and I wouldn't even feel it, but now it hurts like you know what-seems a little backwards to me, but I guess your body is supposed to tell you when something has slipped out of place... Using my mad skills, I moved it until I felt it pop back where it should be. Normally it takes a day and it feels normal. Well, Tuesday came around, and I was still feeling it. When I would move certain ways it felt like someone had their thumb in my shoulder and I would have to use the other arm to manually move the right one out of that position. It was constantly spasming and all the muscles tightened down on the shoulder. I know I just went to vo-tech, but they taught us that wasn't normal. So, I was going to go in to urgent care, but lucked out because the PA at my ortho's office had an opening. Well, I was told I put it back "beautifully". I was given a prescription for Mobic and also given a warning. I was told I will more than likely have more "flare-ups" like this until I get it fixed. We're still on board with waiting until October, but this just solidified the fact that it needs to be fixed. Sounds like it will be a rough road. Prayers will be appreciated. Back to the Mobic. It is a prescription NSAID (like advil, tylenol, aleve, etc but different chemical compound). It is a MIRACLE drug. It's to decrease the inflammation and help with the pain without being a narcotic or any other keep-you-off-of-work medicine. I took it Tuesday and woke up Wednesday feeling like a whole new person. I could move my shoulder and barely felt the fact that it was inflamed. Hopefully, this makes the next 7 months a little easier to handle.

So, it's been a long time since summer

Kansas just isn't as exciting as visiting my sister and her family in California/EFY. BUT a lot has happened. I made a huge decision. All summer, my plans were to go back on my mission at the end of the summer. I prayed about it and did some serious pondering and was SHOCKED at the answer that I received. Stay. Hours of tears (they still sneak up occasionally) later, I knew that was right. I got the okay from my surgeon saying my left shoulder was totally healed. I went straight from the dr to work's office because I needed to renew some certifications. Well, as I walked out of the office, I realized I hadn't talked to who I needed to talk to about the certification, but I had walked into the chief's office and told him I was ready to go back to work. WHAT!?!? There was definitely some divine intervention going on there. I was still trying to figure out how to go back on my mission. ANYWAYS, I got an interview (they opened up a hiring process so I could legally get my job back) and I got the job. After some disappointment over my pay and schedule, etc, I was back as an employee of Johnson County. I passed the physical test with no problems (yay!) I was also blessed to be put back at the station I worked at when I left, even though it was on a different shift. I was put with an amazing partner whom I get along with and enjoy working with...I also babysit for the guy:) Next step...transportation. I finally bit the bullet and got a car...and in 56 months it will be mine. Carmax is the way to go people. I had no problems with them at all. I am now the proud car loan owner of a 2002 Nissan Xterra and I LOVE it!!! Next step...housing. I moved into my apartment on March 12. It is so nice to have my own place. I am in the same complex that I lived before, just across the street. It is slowly becoming a home. I have also realized why I was prompted to stay home. In November, my right shoulder (the one that was operated on while I was still on my mission started bugging me. I went to Dr Gurley (the one who operated on the left shoulder). I decided to stay with him because I was so pleased with the result of my left one. He agreed that it was still very weak. I got a cortisone shot (that was fun) and he sent me to PT (Again). PT was going great. I was making a lot of progress. Then I plateaued. Then I started to go backwards. Luckily, the physical therapist noticed and immediately sent me back to the dr. Well, I knew in my heart what he was going to say before I was even in there. I need another surgery. The first (and second) surgery isn't holding and my shoulder is becoming more and more unstable. I got another cortisone shot. I'm hoping to hold off until end of October so I have sick time and vacation built up. He agreed that it may be possible. After discussing with him, we decided to hold off on the MRI until September. He knows me so well. He said he wants to hold off so he can see all the damage I do between now and then and see which repair will be best. I feel so blessed to have been led to a surgeon that is one of the top specialists in the repair that I need. Not a day goes by that I don't think about Seattle and what it would have been like if I had made it out there. I regret not working even harder in those 9 weeks I was privileged to a have as a full time missionary for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I miss the feeling I had when I was a missionary. I miss studying and speaking Spanish daily and I wonder how much I would know if I had stayed a missionary. No matter what matters, I will always miss my mission. I may never understand why I was placed in all these trials and struggles, but I've grown and learned. I know my father in Heaven knows. And all this happened for a reason. Everything always happens for a reason.