God has a plan...if you just look at your challenges the right way, you may learn something

Okay, I'm going to vent a little, but keep reading, there is a lesson, too. So, tomorrow marks my 3 month anniversary of being home. I'm more than just a little frustrated. Recently I've had several people comment on how I "sort of served a mission" or "kind of served a mission" or "served a mini-mission". Not only is this frustrating, it down right hurts...deep. Yes, I came home after a short 9 weeks, but I served FAITHFULLY in those 9 weeks and gave my all. I did NOT come home because I broke a rule or did something wrong. I didn't come home because of a wrong choice I made. Even if I did, no one on earth has the right to judge me and treat me the way some have. I was SENT home not by my choice, but because of an injury and because the MTC doctor wasn't satisfied with how I was healing (a whole other thing to vent about). Some think coming home early is the easy way out and to them I'd like to say they are ABSOLUTELY wrong. Coming home is one of the hardest things I've ever done. I've had days where I cry myself to sleep longing for that missionary experience that I'm "missing", trying to come up with why I came home, what I did wrong, wasn't I good enough to be a missionary? What lesson am I supposed to be learning? If so is there a way that I can learn it and finally move on? Then I learned...it's not that I wasn't good enough or did something wrong. There may not even be a particular lesson that I'm supposed to learn. Perhaps it's because God has a purpose for me in Kansas. Maybe there's someone here that needs me. I may not be wearing my name tag anymore, but I am still a missionary at heart. I study Preach My Gospel regularly, I'm still working on learning Spanish. I'm doing everything I can to stay worthy and prepared to return to the mission field once I'm healed...IF it be God's will. Even if it's not HOW DARE ANYONE judge me because I wasn't gone for 18 months. I am getting ready to have my 4th surgery since putting my papers in and 5th (if you include oral surgery) since I started my papers. I'm getting ready to meet with my FOURTH surgeon to try and find someone with the knowlege and skill to fix my shoulder. I've been through more while trying to serve a mission than most people go through in a lifetime, and I've learned a lot from it. I've grown to have an IMMENSE love for my Savior and what He's done for me. I KNOW that Christ not only suffered for sins, but so He can help us through ALL our challenges, no matter if it's a sickness, self-esteem issues, financial issues, or anything else that's ailing us. He KNOWS what we're going through and wants to help, but He is just waiting for us to ask. I challenge those that think coming home was the "easy" thing to reconsider that and think of what I'm going through. For those of you that have supported me through everything, I can't even express my gratitude. You're what's helped me pull through. You know who you are, and THANK YOU.

Spoke too soon

Okay, again, good news first. I've been signed off as having a good right shoulder by the orthopedic surgeon, so I have been discharged from his care. YAY! Now the crappy news. I went in today to see the surgeon that was supposed to operate on my arm on Friday. "Supposed to" you may ask...apparently, he only repairs if you have one spot that needs work (i.e. the torn posterior labrum I have-ripped something in the back of my shoulder), NOT if you need work in the front and back...so I have been referred to yet ANOTHER surgeon. Yes, this will be the 4th person to see my arm (not including urgent care, er, or physician assistants). The BEST part is that my appt with the newest surgeons PA is on monday...the last day I am covered under mission medical. MEANING, my surgery will more than likely not be the same day, so I get to find a way to pay for the surgery. I'm grateful that the local church is willing to help with that, I just hate asking SO much. I feel helpless and just want my shoulder to function correctly without creaking or clunking or making any other noises. Is that too much to ask? Ugh..."specialists"

YAY!!!

So good news first. On Thursday, the physical therapists re-evaluated my right arm after 4 weeks of PT every weekday. I have full range of motion again!!! YAY!!! Finally!!! On Friday, I was officially discharged from PT (again, for the right shoulder). It feels SOOO good to have my arm back. Monday is my follow-up with the Ortho Surgeon who will hopefully pass off my right arm as "fully healed". Okay, now for bad news. On Wednesday morning (EARLY...3am) I was sleeping on my belly like I always do. I went to roll onto my side and my left arm got caught under my body and dislocated. I popped it back into place (which gets easier each time I dislocate it) and went to the ER for an x-ray just to make sure I got it back in the right spot. Luckily I had. The ER put a lovely immobilization splint on it and told me to wear it until I follow-up with the surgeon. Yeah, took that thing off yesterday...it was driving me CRAZY! So, after hopefully getting my right arm signed off on Monday from Dr Romito (the guy who did the manipulation on my right arm), I get to meet with Dr. Humphrey on Tuesday to follow-up on my dislocation. He is the one that is going to operate on my left arm. Dr Romito referred me to Dr Humphrey (they're in the same practice) because Dr. H specializes in the procedure I'm having. Hopefully they can still do the surgery as scheduled on Friday (if anything, the dislocation will just make them want to do the surgery even more). I haven't heard back from the hospital yet regarding what time the surgery will be, but when I find out, I'll let y'all know. Thanks for all the support! One arm down, one more to go. YAY for finally seeing progress!