Okay, so good news first. I’ve been cleared by all 5 of my doctors (not to include the 3 clearances I had to get before putting my papers in...so a grand total of 7). I’m pretty sure the endocrinologist is trying to kill me. She had to cancel the appointment I had Friday and reschedule for today (monday). I finally got her clearance yesterday at around 4:30 pm...you know, the day i was scheduled to be set apart as a missionary. My family doctor was funny and in his note, he cleared me to travel to Mexico only, and stated I was “clear of any communicable diseases at this time”. Anyways, I’ve been super stressed trying to get everything packed and ready to go. Lots of prayers and tears. I want nothing more than to be a full time missionary. Saturday, my brother and his wife got to go through the temple for their own endowments. It was a crazy day full of lovely family drama. I had been praying to be prepared to leave on my mission, but didn’t have a “warm fuzzy” feeling about it. Yesterday before church I was still feeling uneasy. I lost it in sunday school, when the lesson was on the Atonement. Ugly cry lost it. Then the answer hit me. Not an answer that I wanted, but an answer. I need to postpone one last time. I’ve run into several tie ups in getting my insurance straightened out with the hospital. My mom is so stressed out dealing with my brother and his wife I can’t leave that for her to do. I would be so worried about it that I wouldn’t be fully committed to serving as a missionary. I want to be able to give 110%, but can’t until I get finances straightened out. The answer devastated me, but I know in my heart it is what I am supposed to do. I’m not sure what is coming in my future that requires all these trials to prepare me, but I know there is a reason. Heavenly Father knows the desires of our hearts and will grant them in HIS time. The last few months have been some of the hardest of my life, and have tested how strong my testimony is. My testimony of the Plan of Salvation has grown more than I thought it could. I have grown to rely on my Savior and Heavenly Father because I couldn’t have done it on my own. I know I will be a missionary soon and I can’t wait. It will mean more to me that it ever has because of what I have had to overcome to get there. Now...to find a place to stay in August as my apartment has already been rented out.

Getting Closer

Yesterday was  day of many emotions.  It was the day of all of my appointments with the specialists. The night before I was almost full blown freaking out. Those specialists are the ones that determine if I can leave on July 15 as needed. I was chatting with my sister in law, who was also on the verge of losing it. We were bawling together and she said. “I think I need another priesthood blessing…you should get one too”. Why am I so dumb with things like this? These thoughts never come to me. Why do we try to get through trials on our own. That’s just stupid!!! Our Heavenly Father gives us all the resources we need to get through trials, we just have to use them. Anyways…infectious disease has cleared me, my kidneys are working fine again, endocrinology was the one of the hiccups. The endocrinologists and neurologists are in the same office.  When I was discharged from the hospital they told me I would be seeing both at my appointment. WRONG. I saw the endocrinologist who wants an MRI of my pituitary gland before she’ll clear me. She also still wants me to see the neurologist…who is going to want an MRI of the rest of my brain. Well, after I’m done at my appointment, I go to the front desk to schedule the neurology appointment and they tell me the first opening is in August. I’m telling you it took ALL of my power to not break down there in the waiting room. August?!?!?!?! But I’m supposed to leave in two weeks? I was crushed. Well, per their policy, you have to call a specific person who schedules the new patient appointments. I left the office, gathered my wits and strength to drive home, all the while trying to figure out how I”m going break this news to everyone. I decided not to worry until it’s July 15 and I’m not released. God works miracles everyday, right? Well I called to schedule the appointment, and between the waiting room and the parking lot, there had been a cancellation and I got an appointment on July 10!!!! God really does answer prayers…even if they’re silent prayers we’re saying in an elevator full of people. The next hurdle was I needed an MRI of my brain, but the neurologist couldn’t order one until he saw me. I called to explain the time crunch I was in and I was transferred to the neurologist's nurse. He said that it would just make sense to do both MRI's at the same time and that I should check with the endocrinologist's nurse who schedules them...and he transferred me to her. I'm pretty sure I spoke with every single person that works in this office. LUCKILY the office was able to get the endocrinologist (who I already saw) to order both!!! Now I just need my insurance to pre-authorize the MRI and get an appointment before July 10. I can do this!!! That has been my mantra lately. I can do this. You know the saying “God never gives us more than we can handle”? I think that is completely false. God does give us more than we can handle…alone, but He has provided a Savior to make up the rest. I’m slowly building up my strength to be ready to FINALLY get to the mission. The stake president told me I need a note from the doctor, a note from myself, and he has to send a note to the mission department. I think my letter will say something like “I’m REALLY ready to go to the mission, and I promise to NEVER go to a third world country until AFTER my mission”. I am grateful for the support this church brings. Last night I had a much needed break and talked for a few hours with a sister from church that had come home early from her mission for medical reasons. We both talked about our missions and you would have never known it wasn't a full mission. We were able to just talk and laugh and it was amazing! (and a little exhausting once we realized it was almost 10pm. Friends are key to getting through this life. I have some of the best there is!